For me, realizations come in waves.
Or layers. Each new layer feels like a whole answer and my entire being delights in the yes of it as if this is all I will ever need to know about it. Which of course is never true.
There is always more.
But there is so much joy in this yes that I will continue to revel in it until the next revelation arrives.
I had one such revelation just this week!
Talking on Skype with Jenny Bones, we revisited a conversation we had had with each other, and another, more public conversation in the Reset.Revive.Restart. Facebook group. Yes, we talked about the fact that I don’t buy into forgiveness.
From my own experience, forgiveness has been something that one person doles out to another. Picture the evil queen allowing a subject some trifle to prove her own kindness. Forgiveness as power play.
Yet, I don’t carry anger and hurt around with me much. Separate myself from situations and people that are not a good fit?All the time. Remember and relive the details that sparked the whole thing in the first place? Not so much.
In the first conversations, the realization came to me that instead of forgiving I strive to accept and release. My hope is that, after each hurt I will eventually accept that it happened, accept my reaction to it, accept that the action can’t be changed, sometimes even accept that another person’s values are very different from mine. That allows me to release the feelings of hurt, release the memories of anger and sadness, maybe even release my relationship with the person.
Those conversations helped me realize that this is how it works for me. Such a gentle, lovely revelation.
And then, we talked again.
We talked about how release feels, the lightness, the space for healing, the space for love to enter that it creates. The flow that happens when we aren’t holding onto those feelings anymore.
That’s when a new realization dawned on me.
Sending butterflies is a practice of release.
Here’s the thing. I send butterflies to people. Frequently. Ever since I rejuvenated my practice of sending butterflies it happens at least a few times a day and they go to as many people as Facebook will let me tag at one time.
I know the people who receive them love them. Some of them feel their power and grace even before knowing I’ve sent them.
That’s why I thought I always felt so good when I’d send butterflies (and so lousy when I didn’t send them enough). I thought my enjoyment was a reflection of theirs.
But what if I replace the word send with the word release? I release butterflies many times a day. Almost in a steady stream.
I am in a constant practice of release.
What am I releasing? Everything. Anything. Sadness, hurt, anger. Worry, fear, anxiety. But also love, joy, excitement. And calmness, affection, support.
All that I don’t need and all that I crave flies from me on butterfly wings, leaving space in me for gratitude, love and joy to fill me up so I can send even more.
It’s not so much that the butterflies are magic. Yes, their energy is powerful and mysterious, as is proven to me again and again. But the part of this that makes it so rewarding for me is my own constant practice of release.
Having released so much so often for so long, I can’t easily remember the anger and hurt I might have been still been holding today. It’s better than forgiveness to me, and so much closer to healing.
It feels like a constant flow of butterfly energy.
And I love it even more now.